No matter your gender or sexual preference, we dream of meeting that 'someone'. The one that you know is set for you and eventually you'll plan your wedding. At some point you will run into that one that makes you go so high on the pinnacle of happiness that you know it's love. It's sweet and cute or it's passionate and burning and sometimes it's painful. Recently, I finally got over the pain that comes from letting that someone go, and realized that I wasn't going to fall apart into a million pieces. We'd dated for three years and I really did see myself one day being married to him. After college was done and we had gotten some sort of stability, of course. We broke up after three years of dating. I initiated the break up, intending to get back together after things with work and school had settled down. I naively expected that he'd wait as long as it took. He loved me after all. But he found a new girl. I should have stopped him right there and told him that I was planning for us to get back together. I didn't, however, and some small part of me still wonders right now, what would have happened had I not it play out. I'm sort of glad that I let him go now, especially how he treated me. Every chance he got, after not talking to me for months and even after I told him I was upset because I still had feelings for him, he'd ask if I wanted to hang out, knowing that she'd be there. It may have been my imagination but it seemed like any chance he could, he'd hang their relationship in front of me. But at the same time, the way he hugged me was the way one should hug their significant other. It made my chest ache, knowing that I still wanted us to be, and yet it couldn't.
Mom jumped in my court saying I should try and win him back. But by that time, he'd contacted me in the middle of the night, telling me about how he was getting married to her and that they were going to move out of state and finish college and settle down. From there, I think my heart just sort of gave up and the hope of rekindling love sort of faded into a dull, painful ache that would leave me in tears constantly. The morning after he'd told me, I contacted my big brother. I wasn't really looking for much, I just simply asked him what I should do and his answer somehow set me onto the path that finally led to Tuesday's event. He said: "Cry till u can't cry no more, then get urself another guy, or stay busy. Pain will go away." I somehow didn't really want to get another guy, I've actually not found anyone that's actually set me on that pinnacle I spoke of earlier. But I cried long and hard until I'm pretty sure I had no more tears to shed, and I did keep myself busy. I began participating in anime conventions, I started to focus more on school and working. I'd come home and as soon as I could, I'd listen to music and draw until I fell asleep.
But this past Monday, something inside me said that it was time to talk to him. On my birthday last year, I'd told him flat out to "Leave me the hell alone." And he did. I didn't get any invites to hang out, I didn't recieve random 'How are you?' texts and that I think gave me time to be to my own thoughts and come to closure. Tuesday before work, we met up at my request. We both apologized. Me for acting like a witch (To which he responded that I actually took things better than alot of girls would and I'd never come acrossed as such....if only he knew how many times I'd cursed at him in my head....=^^;=) and he apologized for putting me through a whole lot of pain emotionally (Oh so you did realize that huh? Oh well!). I realized, while we spoke of random things for the next 20 minutes before I had to leave for work, the spark and warm glow that I would get when we were together was no longer there. But I found that I wasn't really sad about that, I was actually relieved. The pain, the sadness and depression and the weight of unhappiness in general had faded. I wished him the best for he and his fiancee, and he wished me the best in all my adventures. As I drove off, I felt more content than any other time. I'm happy, he's happy(I think) and somehow, love I'm sure will come for me eventually. For now, well, I'm happy being a free bird and content to soar down this path of life with whatever adventures are to come!
Well, now that's off my chest, I think it's time for some drawing and music! Till next time~
Ellie C. F. Rose
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