Love to let go?

No matter your gender or sexual preference, we dream of meeting that 'someone'. The one that you know is set for you and eventually you'll plan your wedding. At some point you will run into that one that makes you go so high on the pinnacle of happiness that you know it's love. It's sweet and cute or it's passionate and burning and sometimes it's painful. Recently, I finally got over the pain that comes from letting that someone go, and realized that I wasn't going to fall apart into a million pieces. We'd dated for three years and I really did see myself one day being married to him. After college was done and we had gotten some sort of stability, of course. We broke up after three years of dating. I initiated the break up, intending to get back together after things with work and school had settled down. I naively expected that he'd wait as long as it took. He loved me after all. But he found a new girl. I should have stopped him right there and told him that I was planning for us to get back together. I didn't, however, and some small part of me still wonders right now, what would have happened had I not it play out. I'm sort of glad that I let him go now, especially how he treated me. Every chance he got, after not talking to me for months and even after I told him I was upset because I still had feelings for him, he'd ask if I wanted to hang out, knowing that she'd be there. It may have been my imagination but it seemed like any chance he could, he'd hang their relationship in front of me. But at the same time, the way he hugged me was the way one should hug their significant other. It made my chest ache, knowing that I still wanted us to be, and yet it couldn't.

Mom jumped in my court saying I should try and win him back. But by that time, he'd contacted me in the middle of the night, telling me about how he was getting married to her and that they were going to move out of state and finish college and settle down. From there, I think my heart just sort of gave up and the hope of rekindling love sort of faded into a dull, painful ache that would leave me in tears constantly. The morning after he'd told me, I contacted my big brother. I wasn't really looking for much, I just simply asked him what I should do and his answer somehow set me onto the path that finally led to Tuesday's event. He said: "Cry till u can't cry no more, then get urself another guy, or stay busy. Pain will go away." I somehow didn't really want to get another guy, I've actually not found anyone that's actually set me on that pinnacle I spoke of earlier. But I cried long and hard until I'm pretty sure I had no more tears to shed, and I did keep myself busy. I began participating in anime conventions, I started to focus more on school and working. I'd come home and as soon as I could, I'd listen to music and draw until I fell asleep.

But this past Monday, something inside me said that it was time to talk to him. On my birthday last year, I'd told him flat out to "Leave me the hell alone." And he did. I didn't get any invites to hang out, I didn't recieve random 'How are you?' texts and that I think gave me time to be to my own thoughts and come to closure. Tuesday before work, we met up at my request. We both apologized. Me for acting like a witch (To which he responded that I actually took things better than alot of girls would and I'd never come acrossed as such....if only he knew how many times I'd cursed at him in my head....=^^;=) and he apologized for putting me through a whole lot of pain emotionally (Oh so you did realize that huh? Oh well!). I realized, while we spoke of random things for the next 20 minutes before I had to leave for work, the spark and warm glow that I would get when we were together was no longer there. But I found that I wasn't really sad about that, I was actually relieved. The pain, the sadness and depression and the weight of unhappiness in general had faded. I wished him the best for he and his fiancee, and he wished me the best in all my adventures. As I drove off, I felt more content than any other time. I'm happy, he's happy(I think) and somehow, love I'm sure will come for me eventually. For now, well, I'm happy being a free bird and content to soar down this path of life with whatever adventures are to come!

Well, now that's off my chest, I think it's time for some drawing and music! Till next time~

Ellie C. F. Rose

A Reason to Smile

It's been a while since I posted, but of course real life sometimes only leaves us so much time for little things like this. I've been thinking on this post for quite some time now though, even if this thing has gathered a bit of dust....*sweeps it off* This post is to talk about reasons to smile. Now, I am sure you're wondering what that has to do with Second life and don't worry, I'm going to explain that too. When I feel like it of course.

When it comes to Second Life, there are the people that you merely deem as acquaintances and then there are those that you can truly open you're heart to. On the matter of those acquaintances, you talk with them and interact with them, but most times, they don't really have a drastic effect in you're life. Then, you have those that you've opened you're heart to, for one reason or another. This would be my Second Life family. I'm very protective of them and I would always give anything to help them. Just talking with them can take any problems or annoyances from RL and whisk them away as though they were dust. Now, to tie this in to the main topic.

Due to working (or getting overworked), I don't have much time to log onto SL and sometimes when I do, I can expect not everyone from my family will be on. We all have lives outside of that virtual space that must be tended to. But it's when I do get the chance and I can spend even just a few minutes with them, that make all those moments special. Life knocks us all down, quite hard sometimes, but those dear, precious people have given me memories that can always make me smile. Whether it's from remembering one of my brothers talking about an evil trolling spider, or remembering how silly he could sometimes be at his sets when I hosted him! (Though you didn't hear it from me). Or when my big brother and I finally have a chance to chat and discuss silly random things, even though we've both been busier than bees in a tar bucket.  

It's when the crazy 'Husband Brother Trio" have awesome parties and we have to push one of them off to bed or when my big sis gets on and sends me some of her more...interesting items, and when my mama and  papa come and dance with me while I make a couch! There are a handful of people, and I can't list all of them, but they are my reason to smile. Today wasn't a really rough day in RL, but of course, I don't think I'd smiled so big all day as I did when one of my brothers, and my big sister posted on FB. For my brother, he said he'd be a....cute demonic little lizard (once again you didn't hear it from me) and my big sister popped one of her always funny 'Gas' jokes. Both of them were my reason to post this. I hope that those people, the ones that really truly matter (once again, not all of them are listed, but they'll know.) will know that I appreciate them more than any words could ever say and that not a day goes by that I don't smile because of ya'll.

So till next time, where I'll be discussing certain family who got me started in my real SL journey, take care!

~Ellie 

The Building Blocks...

It's something we see very prominant within the SecondLife grid. Chairs, sofas, beds....houses and even castles. All these things in that vast virtual portal look pretty cool. Sometimes they are expensive, other times you may come across a really good freebie or cheapie. Now when you see them, all those shapes and textures look so simple and don't lie, all of us have at one point wanted to create those types of things. And of course, until you try it, alot may be under the impression of how easy it must have been to get done and make it look so neat and do all those fun little poses. However, as I'm only just on the road to learning how to build in SL, I can tell you, it's not easy even once you sit down, stop dawdling and focus on what really goes into those objects. Once again, I was inspired, mostly by a few of my SL family, and some of them have been pretty helpful at encouraging and helping me where they can! So like I said, you actually have to sit and learn. Toy around with things, find out what they do. And then, when you figure that out, that learning gets built upon by more knowledge over time and even then, it's not so simple. You can't just rez a box and expect to go randomly moving this and that and 'poof' there's a well made, perfectly textured bed, couch, chair, etc. Building takes time to learn what has to be done, what can't be done, and how to put it altogether. And it's up to you to follow-up and keep that information stacked in a nice little pyramid (or scattered all over in a complicated order, whichever floats your boat).

I've only made one thing, and that was a couch. For now, that's all it really is: A couch. You sit on it....well...let's just say it doesn't look right. But you sit on it. The concepts of the SL grid become a lot more vast once you actually dive into various things like building and when you see just how much work goes into it, and in some ways, you're a bit humbled when you realize how much goes into providing the objects that we do things on everyday. Of course, once you actually take time and learn, it does get easier, if only slightly. It's a true experience and I'm pretty sure that it's a good thing for everyone to explore at some point! Never know what you might make!

But anyways, this is just from my very limited experience and my very recent view of building. I know quite a few builders.....and they put alot of work into what they do. So yeah, just a bit of randomness on building! So until next time~

~Ellie

The Thing Called Family Pt. 1

The virtual world of Secondlife is a platform that can give you many things. It can give you sex, a job, a whole new style of life, it can even give you a family. I've  mentioned Bloodlines before, and alot of times, from my view, clans of the BL's world are a family, very tightly close knit and willing to do anything for each other. When I first started playing BL's and joined my former clan Tear of the Phoenix, I had no idea how many new people I would meet. But slowly, I met each and every one of them, and they touched my life in ways that I never thought anyone would. We'd chat about things like a family would, stick up for each other when it seemed like harm would come. It wasn't long before I truly came to see them like my family. After some drama, things changed and when I came back from a crazy little mess up, I was walking into a family of new and old people. It was a different feeling, but it was still family and I latched on, hook, line and sinker.

Now, why do we do that, taking on the people that touch us so deeply near our heart, and making them our family? Is it because we're trying to fill a desire? Or is it just because there truly is the feeling of family there? I personally think both can apply, depending on the situation. For some, they don't have that family atmosphere that they want, so they turn to SL to fix that and help them cope. Others just feel like they have a family because they fight together, chat together, party together, and poke fun about stuff with each other.

 That picture is of me and Spike, my big brother. He's taught me alot of what I know and dealt with alot of crap from me and for me. He and I, as far as my memory serves, have only had one very big parting, but for matters of my own reason I won't go into those. That's the past and I won't look back at that murky time because it was in the future when he came back and picked me out of the lowest depths that matters.

That is my entire clan (Well, mostly) We've gotten alot bigger since =^^= But you see, we're all a quirky little family that puts up with each other's craziness. And of course, the crazy discussions are all I need to have a great day. Last night and early this morning reminded me of just why they are my family and that bond is something that can't be replaced. That reason: They accept me and, as quoted by my Big sis Synthya and my bro Ky, they'll love me for me. And I will cherish them and defend them with all my heart. Because that is family.

So I've had my mushy moment, now it's off I go till next time!

Ellie~

It Starts....

Hello there, and welcome to my blog! This was just a random inspiration by two funny people, my big brother Spike and my friend/acquaintance Yu. If ya know me from SL, well cool, hi again! If not well....that's okay too. I guess my first thing to say is that this blog is my random thoughts. Yes, the things that go on in my head, thoughts, very odd ones sometimes. Of course, there are some deep thoughts that aren't so random too, so don't worry, it won't be totally wasted....I hope. If so, it's a free world, you can go use you're time elsewhere, and I'll just keep doing what I do! You'll either enjoy it, hate it, or just read it because you're bored. I simply write it because I felt like I might have something to say that people would like to hear.

Know what that means? These are my opinions, what I think, not what I believe society should think. Okay that's somewhat a lie, I do now and then believe some stuff I think about should be how society thinks, but whatever. It's a free world and what not. So no, I'm not here to post what you think I should, merely what I want. Don't like that? Too bad.

Mainly with this blog, I'll go over many topics. Random, funny, music based, experience based, drama and all sorts of other bases. So in a small way, you'll get a hint of me, but not much. See the blog title? It's gonna stick to it's name. Though I don't know how simple it will be.

So I guess the basic start is how I, the SecondLife me to be exact, came to be really. No, you're not going to know me real life and I don't plan on it till the very far future. The most you'll get out of this as far as my RL is how I discovered SL. My memory is a bit vague, so don't expect a huge description of everything. So then...it starts.

I came to learn of SL via a classmate of mine in college back in April of 2010. We'd only just started the course, and he was one of the few people I actually found would talk and not stare at a cell phone or into a dagum mirror. So we chatted a while, got to become acquaintances and he asked me about a virtual reality game called SecondLife and if I'd ever played it. Of course, having just then heard of it, I said no and he proceeded to tell me about it and I thought it sounded pretty cool so I said I'd try it out. I had alot more time on my hands at that point, as the real world hadn't caught up to me and drug me down to it's hellish depths, so I went home and 1, 2, 3 tada! There I was, a little n00b avi, walking like I had problems and thinking it was the coolest thing ever and that I looked awesome. After a day or two of wandering God knows where, I met up with my college friend and he set me up to not look so ick as he informed me that I really didn't look that great. Then we did the first thing that he said was a good way to start: Going to clubs. Plenty of people to meet, lots of good music and tons of animations that made me laugh. I had no clue of anything but partying and staying up late before wandering to a random spot and logging out. A few weeks later, if memory serves correct, I'd get into bloodlines through a user who turned out to be not as nice as he seemed. Of course, it'd be through him that I'd meet alot of wonderful, fun, inspirational and not so inspirational people, and it'd be through them that I would learn all I know today. I might go into more detail about those people, seeing as they deserve it.
  

But I guess all that is for another post, when I'm not bouncing all over to figure out what I should write about. To get the basic point acrossed, this blog will be my thoughts, random and serious, and cover numerous topics and other things. Will it bore you? I don't know. Do I care if I offend you, or bore you? Nope.

So then, till next time~

Ellie =^^=!